Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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