U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
