I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
