My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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