so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
