Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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