I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
