I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
