Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
