apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Alive.
So much puke
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
