I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
