while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Terrible idea I love it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
