i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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