why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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