Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
