Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
