??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
