i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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