Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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