I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
