when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you would pick up someone in the library
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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