i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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