Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
