she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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