U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
