I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
