Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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