my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
