i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
