Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
