im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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