an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
