you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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