i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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