i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
