well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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