don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
