return my video game
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
