i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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