You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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