You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
