its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
