I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
