my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
