I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
