Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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