Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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