thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
