return my video game
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
