dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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