Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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