If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
