I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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