3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
