Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
