please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
