whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
