Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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