i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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