Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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