Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
