you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
