someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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