dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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