Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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