i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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