Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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