its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
