You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize