she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
