Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
