I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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