just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize